


Rei's Pain

by Willowflower_Waterlily



Series: Marie Hawke and Rei Trevelyan [5]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-12
Packaged: 2018-03-10 10:19:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 27
Words: 15,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3286727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willowflower_Waterlily/pseuds/Willowflower_Waterlily
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei Trevelyan was a circle mage in Ostwick's circle tower. Her life in the tower and just after has colored her opinion of Templars. Will she be able to move on, and let her anger go, or will she let it consume her? (Warning is for the mention of rape in chapter one.)</p><p>**2/5/15 edit*** Reorganizing a couple of chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A mention of rape and a baby being taken away.

The meeting had been tense to start with. They had gathered to discuss going to either the Templars or the mages for help sealing the breach. Cullen and Cassandra wanted to go to the Templars while Leliana and Josephine wanted to ask the mages for help. Inquisitor Rei Trevelyan rushed into the make shift war room at the back of the Chantry, oblivious to the tension.

"Sorry I'm late, I was practicing and hadn't realized the time." She approached the table and the other advisers greeted her.

"That is okay, Herald. We were discussing who to approach to ask for help with the breach." Leliana responded.

"The mages." She replied quickly while eyeing Cullen as if challenging him. "Anything else needed to be discussed or can I go prepare?" Cullen made a strangled angry noise in his throat and Rei eyed him coolly.

"How can you decide so quickly? The rebel apostates are desperate, there will be abominations. We should approach the Templars for help. They are..."

"Bullies." She replied heatedly. " _Templars do what must be done._ Bullshit. They do whatever the fuck they want with no oversight. Then they get promoted and praised no matter how badly, or maybe because of how badly they treat mages." Rei and Cullen glared at each other while the other three in the room displayed varying degrees of discomfort.

"While there are some Templars that behave poorly, that is not a reflection of the order as a whole." Cullen grounded out, trying not to shout. "Templars need to be there to protect mages from others as well as from themselves."

  
"Really, _Knight-Captain_? How was the Knight-Commander in Ostwik's circle protecting my older sister Isabel by raping her? Was it also protection when he got her with child? When they took the baby away? When they sent her to Kirkwall where she was almost immediately made tranquil, then later killed?" Cullen shifted uncomfortably under the weight of Rei's glare. "Was is also protection when the Templars tried to murder the children in the circle? There were five of us left, after we fought to protect all of the children. My younger sister, Mara died, trying to get the last of the children out. Do you have siblings, Commander?" Cullen nodded, with a look of sympathy in his eyes. Rei ignored it as she went on. "Pray then that you never have to see a blade sticking out of one of your sibling's chest as I had to with mine. I had two sisters, now I have none. Thanks to your Templars."

"The children, are they safe?" Josephine asked.

"Yes, the four of us remaining were able to get all twenty-five of the children to Redcliffe. If we are quite done, I need to go pack for the trip to Redcliffe. Cassandra, will you accompany me on the trip?"

"Yes, of course, Herald."

"Good, I'll go ask Varric and Solas to come as well." Rei nodded to the women in the room and left.


	2. Chapter 2

Sitting on the dock by the lake, Rei silently wept for her sisters. It was the first time she allowed herself to grieve since the circle was disbanded. Rei didn't want to give the bastards more power over her than they already had. As she looked out on the peaceful lake, she extended her hands out in front of her and let ice and fire go from one hand to the other. As Cullen approached, she stopped casting.

"Come here to smite me for my use of magic?" She said without turning to face him.

"No!" He exclaimed. "No. Maker, is that really what you think of me?" Rei turned to face him, her eyes and cheeks red from crying. Pain and rage did war in her chocolate brown eyes.

"Yes, that is exactly what I think of you." Rei almost felt a small measure of joy at his hurt look. " _Mages can not be treated like people, they are weapons._ Sound familiar?" Cullen visibly cringed and stared down at his feet. "And said it to three mages. You must have been exceptionally cruel to mages to make it to knight-captain if you were too incompetent tell that the Champion and two of her friends were mages." Rei toyed with a loose strand of golden blond hair as she frowned at Cullen.

"I was never cruel towards mages. I was suspicious of them, at times without cause. That was unworthy of me. I will try not to do so here."

"Would that I could believe you, but you are a Templar."

"Was a Templar, I left the order to join the Inquisition."

"Regardless, you still act like a Templar. Now if we are done, I need to get some rest." Rei pushed past Cullen and walked back toward Haven. 


	3. Chapter 3

"The Herald seemed grumpier than usual today." Leliana prodded. She knew what Cullen was going to say, roughly, but she wanted to hear it from him.

"I tried to apologize for my behavior in the meeting yesterday, but I hadn't gotten the chance. She is always on the defensive around me." Cullen sighed as he turned to face the spymaster. Leliana nodded.

"There is more to her story than she let on, but it is not for me to tell. Give her time, show her that you are not the living embodiment of how she views Templars. Words are wind to her, deeds are what will stick." Leliana smiled at Cullen before going back to her tent. Cullen turned and stared at the gate to the town, thinking on what Leliana had told him.


	4. Chapter 4

"There is something I must tell you, Herald. Shall we walk away from camp for a moment?" Cassandra turned and walked away, not looking to see if Rei followed. 

"What is it Cassandra?" 

"After the meeting, I asked Leliana to look into where the child might have ended up." Cassandra paused, wording what she was going to say in her head. "It turns out that she had looked into whatever she could find out about you and your family. Your parents took in the girl." Cassandra turned to face Rei. "And they took in your girl as well. The Templar who was supposed to bring them to the Chantry brought the babies to your parents instead." Rei gasped as tears flowed like rivers down her cheeks. She smiled at Cassandra.

"Thank you, I can't even begin to tell you how much this means to me. I am surprised that a Templar would do that. What was his name? Did they punish him for it?"

"His name is Rylen, and when the Knight-Commander found out, he had him transferred back to Starkhaven. There was one more thing. We located the paperwork from Kirkwall. The Templar who performed the right on your sister was one of the more cruel of the order, one of Meredith's pets. There were a handful of others that objected to the right being performed on her, including then Knight-Captain Cullen." Rei did not know what to do with that information, it was almost too much to bear. For there to be decent Templars went against everything she had believed and witnessed. "Cullen is a good man. If he wasn't, I would not have offered him a position in the Inquisition. He has been through a lot, and that had changed him for a time. I can say no more on it, for it is not my place to tell you. Rylen is with us as well, as second in command."

"I have a lot to think on. I... It has put my view of Templars into question, what I've seen and been through. Could all of the rotten Templars been in Ostwick and Kirkwall?"

"A lot of them were, but not all of them." Rei nodded, her head spinning as she tried to absorb all the new information given to her. "We should go break our fast before we head to Redcliffe." Rei nodded and followed Cassandra back to camp.


	5. Chapter 5

_Leliana,_

_There is a Tevinter Magister that assumed control of the free mages. We do not have time to come back and discuss this. Send your best agents. I spoke to Connor Guerrin, he told me of a secret way into the castle. Another Tevinter mage warned me of the Magister's plot. The meeting to discuss the mages takes place in two days time. It is surely a trap, but with your agents and the mage who warned me, it should work out._

_Rei Trevelyan_


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen watched Rei lead the mages into Haven. He frowned, disappointed at how the Inquisition was now full allies with the mages intead of inscripting their aid. A group of children followed directly behind her, as though they were afraid she would vanish. _Those must be the children she saved_ , he thought while he watched Rei and Cassandra approach him.

"Meeting in ten." Rei said quietly as she passed him, not looking as she headed toward her cabin. Cullen gave Cassandra a questioning look, and she shook her head at him.

"She has been through a lot. The Herald will inform us as to what happened at the meeting."

"What do you mean? You were there." 

"The Magister, he used time magic. He sent the Herald and the Tevinter mage, Dorian through time. One year in the future to be specific. She would not tell me what happened, but it seemed like they were both sent through the ringer. The Herald insisted that we head back to Haven as quickly as possible to set the mages up and to close the breach." Cassandra paused, considering his current state. "Please go gently on her. I know you are angry about the alliance, but it does not do us any good if we question our own." Cullen nodded as Cassandra walked away to inform Leliana and Josephine.


	7. Chapter 7

"Herald? Seeker Cassandra said you had wanted to see me." Rei turned and faced Knight-Captain Rylen, and smiled at him.

"Yes, I... I wanted to thank you, for what you did for my sister and I years ago." 

"The babes. I could not in good conscience leave them with the Chantry, not when they had family still alive. And I am sorry for what happened after. I wish I could have changed what happened. It is a regret that I still carry to this day." 

"There was nothing you could do. I am glad that they did not punish you severly for helping us. Having learned what you have done makes me question what I've thought of Templars. There is a deep angry I still harbor. For what happened to my sisters and fellow mages in the circle."

"And what happened to you?" Rei frowned and considered his question.

"What happened to me is of little consequence. I should have better protected my sisters." Rei sighed and looked up at the scar in the sky. "However, I feel like I can still do right by them by protecting the little ones. Sealing the breach was just the first step..." The bells rang, and calls to arms came from the gate. Rylen and Rei ran to the gate to help.

 

"Are all the children accounted for?" Rei asked one of the mages in the Chantry. 

"Yes, my friend, all of the children are present in the Chantry." As Cullen approached them, Rei dismissed the mage. His stance told her that they were defeated. Haven was over run and the enemy had a dragon. 

"The only option left to us is the remaining trebuchet."

"We're overrun, it would bury Haven." 

"We're dying, but we can decide how. Not many get that choice." Off to the side, Roderick coughed and faced Cole.

"Yes... That might work. Roderick wants to help before he dies." Cole nods at the chancellor.

"There is a passage. You would not know of it unless you took the summer pilgrimage. As I have. The people can escape. She must have shown me. Andraste must have shown me. So I could... Tell you."

"Cullen get them out, I'll go distract them." Rei turned to head toward the door.

"Herald." He stopped her, taking hold of her hand. Surprised she didn't yank it away, he continued. "What of your escape?" Rei turned and faced him, and it was then he knew she was going out there to die. "Perhaps you will surprise it, find a way..."

"If not, I will get to see my sisters again." She turned away again, and marched out of the Chantry with Cassandra, Dorian, and Varric. Cullen sent a group to load the trebuchet, and had soldiers gather the people that survived the initial attack follow Roderick through the path.


	8. Chapter 8

"Maker's... Icy... Chesticles..." Rei managed to chatter out as she pushed herself to keep moving through the snow. She had already past some debris and a camp site, it's fire long since extinguish and embers were cold. Having spotted another camp site up ahead, she willed herself forward to check it. The fire was out but the embers were still warm. Recent then, she thinks and continues moving. As Rei approached the side of the mountain, her legs give out. She landed hard on her knees and felt herself falling into the snow. _Death has come for me at last_ , she thought to herself as she lost consciousness. She did not notice the hands gently picking her up and carry her to safety.

 

Cullen paced outside the healer's tent, waiting on news. He had been the one to find her passed out in the snow. He prayed she would live. _If she did_ , he thought, _he would tell her about what happened to her sister. How he tried to stop it._ Solas stepped out of the tent and waved Cullen over. "She will heal, but she needs to rest. I would say that it should take a day for her to recover." Cullen nods his thanks and goes to check on the children.

 

Rei looked around her and quickly figured out that she was in the fade. She willed her surroundings to change, to become the field by her parents house that was covered in wild flowers. There she saw her sisters running through the flowers toward her. She smiled brightly and ran to meet them. "My sisters!" She exclaimed hugging them. Isabel and Mara exchange a look.

"You are not dead yet, my little sister." Rei looked at her sister puzzled as Isabel continues. "We came to meet you here to tell you that you must move on. All the pain and anger you carry isn't healthy. There are people who are still living that care for you. Live on for us, take care of the children."

"We had daughters, Isabel. Our parents are taking care of them." Isabel smiled and nodded at her.

"We watch over them from here. Try to see them when you can. Do not let too much time pass, you would regret it." Isabel said as the three hugged once more. "It is time for you to go back now, there is still much for you to do. We love you, dear sister and we always will."

 

Cullen stopped by Rei's tent before going to his own. Awake, she waved him over to talk. Cullen sat down by her cot, and looked her in the eyes. "I wanted to say how sorry I had acted in the meeting before you went to Redcliffe. It was wrong of me."

"We were both wrong, and I must apologize as well." Rei paused for a second to sit up on her cot. "It is not easy for me to let go of the angry... The hatred I feel towards Templars. They took all that I love from me."

"I understand. Letting go of such strong emotions is difficult, but if you don't they will change you. Warp you into something you're not. The regret, after for the things you've said or did, can be unbearable." Rei looked at Cullen, puzzled at the pained expression on his face as he spoke.

"Something you are familiar with."

"Sadly, yes, but that is a story for another day." Cullen stood up, and turned to leave. But before he left he turned to face Rei again. "I knew they were mages. The Champion and her friends, I didn't take them in because they were doing good things in Kirkwall. Without them, the city would have destroyed itself several times over." Pain and regret graced his features as he looked down. "I wish I had seen what was happening with the Templars in Kirkwall sooner, Meredith kept so much from me. I can only think that maybe, if I did something sooner, none of this would have come to pass." He look into her eyes again, his golden eyes bright with unshed tears. "If you'll excuse me, I'm sure we could both use some rest."


	9. Chapter 9

Rei knocked on Cullen's door and waited. She knew he was working late into the night again. She opened the door and peaks in, to find him staring at his shaking hands. "Cullen?" She asked as she approached his desk. He either didn't notice her or was ignoring her. Since they didn't get into a fight since Haven fell a couple of months ago, she doubted that he was ignoring her. Frowning, she debated slipping her hands in his when he looked up startled to see her.

"Are... Are you real?" Cullen asked, fear in his eyes. Gently, she placed her hands in his and looked into his eyes.

"I am real. Are you having an attack due to lyrium withdrawal?" Cullen looked at her surprised. He had meant to tell her, but he could never find the right moment to pull her aside. And he feared her reaction. She didn't like Templars as it was, though her opinion of them wasn't as it had been when they first met. What would she think of him. Cullen's cheeks reddened with embarrassment and shame. "No one told me, I worked it out on my own. All the headaches you've been getting, your hands shaking, how little you sleep." Rei sighed and continued, "it wouldn't be obvious to anyone who hasn't grown up in a circle, around Templars. The Knight-Commander in Ostwick would deprive Templars he suspected of being nice to mages. I have seen more than one Templar lose the contents on his stomach on the floor, and shake uncontrollably. How can I help you?"

"You want to help me? I thought you hated Templars." 

"But you aren't one anymore. Besides, you saved my life, it's only right that I help you in return." Rei massaged his hands until they stopped shaking, and began to massage his temples. "If it means anything, I think what you are doing is very brave, and I respect you for trying." Rei smiled at him, and he could not help being stunned by it. He thought back to all the times he had been around her, and that was the first time she ever smiled at him. "How are you feeling now?" Rei asks quietly.

"I'm feeling much better now, thank you." Cullen smiled in thanks.

"Would you like for me to have some food sent to you? I've noticed you haven't been eating much."

"No, thank you." 

"Try not to work too late into the night, you need to get some rest. The attacks will lessen in severity if you don't push yourself too much." Rei touched his hand again in farewell, and left Cullen to his paperwork.


	10. Chapter 10

Rei stood at the table in the war room with Sera at her side. "I thought Sera might be able to describe our last outing for you better than I could." She nodded for Sera to begin. 

"Fuck. Shite. Arseholes. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." Sera said as she grabbed her head in her hands trying to forget it. 

"Thank you Sera, you do paint a pretty picture." Sera smiled at Rei before heading off to the tavern. "So yeah, I don't want to ever have to step foot in the Emerald Graves again anytime soon. Or at least not that far in. There are giants and a dragon. Though all of the rifts that are known about are sealed and the possessed villa was handled. Anything I should know about?"

"The ball at the Winter Palace is in two months and we have yet to have a dress made for you." Josephine reminded her sternly.

"Ugh!" Rei groaned. "I hate having to get dressed up. I'll just wear a dress uniform like everyone else and be done with it."

"But you need to dress up to earn court approval."

"Oh stuff court approval, I need to find and either capture or kill an assassin. Not sure what kind of dress you'll find that will look good with blood on it..." Rei gave Josephine an exasperated look. 

"Fine... Can we at least do something nice with your hair?" 

"Yeah, fine. Just not something that will get in my face." Rei turned to face Leliana and Cullen. "Anything either of you need to tell me before I got wash the trip off and take a nice long nap?" They shake their heads at her, and she dismisses the meeting.


	11. Chapter 11

Rei stood on a balcony, overlooking the gardens at the Winter Palace. She was pretty damn pleased with herself. Saved an Empress and helped her reunite with her elven lover. However, the night had worn her down, and all she looked forward to was a nice bath and a soft bed. 

"Ah there you are. We been looking for you." Cullen said as he walked up to the railing. "Is everything all right?" 

"Just tired, tonight has been very long." 

"For all of us. I know it's silly, but I was worried for you." He placed his hand on her arm and waited to see if she would jerk away from his touch. Again, he was surprised when she didn't.

"It's not silly, the game can be very dangerous. We're very lucky to have made it through the night in one piece, and to have won over the court." 

"Well, I'm sure the dance you had with the Duchess helped. You're quite the accomplished dancer." Cullen chuckled as Rei blushed.

"Josephine gave me dance lessons so I wouldn't embarrass the Inquisition. Did you dance? You were surrounded by a group all night."

"They wouldn't leave me alone, the headache I was getting was preferable company." Rei laughed and beamed a smile at him. "We should head back in... Though, I may not get a chance like this again." He said as he extended his hand to her. "Would you have this dance, my lady?" Rei smiled at him, and nodded in acceptance.

"I didn't know you could dance." 

"I don't." Cullen laughed, "but for you, I'll try."

"Why would you try dancing for me?" Rei asked as they made slow circles around the balcony.

"So you could have at least one dance with some one who isn't an assassin." Rei laughed, and he smiled at her. "I know we have been at odds much of the time, especially in Haven, but I feel like we maybe turned the corner somewhere. You seem more comfortable around Templars."

"I found out what happened to my sister's baby. She's with my parents, and it's thanks to Rylen." She smiled at him as their dance ended. "And the Templars we do have have been so kind to me. It's still a readjustment in how I'm used to being treated. I don't know what to think anymore."

"I'm glad that they are treating you well. I hope this will help you move past your anger." He replied before they went back into the ballroom.


	12. Chapter 12

"Leliana, may I have a moment of your time?" Rei asked as she approached Leliana's table on the third floor of the library.

"Of course, what is on your mind, Inquisitor?"

"A few months ago, Cassandra said you had looked into my background. Apart from her, who else did you share the information with?"

"Just her and Josephine. I knew that you wouldn't want Cullen to know, given your feelings on Templars at the time." Leliana motioned for Rei to sit down. "So tell me, have your feelings on Templars changed?"

"Yes, I think. I don't hate them all as though they were all like the ones in Ostwick. However, I'm unsure what to think because of what happened to them. Joining with the enemy. Taking red lyrium. I just don't know." Rei shook her head thoughtfully. "The Templars we have are nothing short of kind and sweet to me. I can't help but wonder if there weren't more like them with the red Templars that were forced to be there."

"Who knows." Leliana shrugged. "You're just back from Crestwood, right? How was Hawke and her Grey Warden friend?"

"They told us of a ritual that's to take place out in the Western Approach, and I am going to meet them out there with a small group." 

"We should have a meeting before you head out." Leliana stood, gathering her paperwork. "Oh, and Inquisitor, you should tell Cullen what happened to you in the circle. I think it would help him understand where you're coming from."

"The story about my sisters wasn't enough? I know he can be a bit oblivious at times, but the man isn't dense."

"True, but I think it would do you some good to tell someone." Rei sighed and nodded her head in agreement as they walked toward the war room.


	13. Chapter 13

"So, how long have you had the hots for the Commander?" Bull asked as they were setting up camp in the Western Approach.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" Rei said, giving her friend a confused look.

"Oh come on Sunshine, we can all see it. When did it switch from hate to love?" Varric chimed in as he cleaned Bianca.

"But I don't love him, I'm not even sure I like him. Though I don't hate him anymore." Rei said as she finished setting up her tent. She sat down by the fire next to Dorian and watched Bull cook their dinner.

"Why would you hate him?" Bull asked as he handed out dinner. "He seems like a nice guy."

"Curly is a great guy, one of maybe a handful of the good Templars that were in Kirkwall." Varric added, in-between bites of dinner. Rei sighed and thought of how she would word her response. As she looked around at her friends, she figured the direct approach would work best.

"Because he was a Templar. Even if he said he wasn't anymore, he still acted like one. It hadn't been long since I left the tower in Ostwick when I joined the Inquisition. It was still too sore for me. I was drowning in my rage and grief. I lost my younger sister right by the door to the tower. She never lived to see what freedom could be like. To have a living reminder of what I had grown to despise was too much. Especially when he tried to make me go to the Templars for help instead of the mages. It was easy to write him off as one of the many assholes." She faced Bull, and found him observing her carefully.

"You're not telling us something." Bull said thoughtfully as he observed Rei's reaction. "Something that happened to you."

"What happened to me is of little importance compare to what happened to my sisters and my friends." Rei replied trying to keep her cool. Dorian took her hand in his and squeezed it. She looked over at him and smiled.

"Fine, you don't have to tell us, but you should tell some one. Any way, what made you change your mind about the Commander?"

"When we went to get the mages to help seal the breach, I had a conversation with Cassandra, and she told me things I did not know. My older sister had a baby in the circle. The baby was supposed to be taken to the Chantry, but instead the Templar took the baby to my parents. He is with the Inquisition, Knight-Captain Rylen. I made sure to pull him aside to tell him how grateful I was that he did that. The other thing she told me was that there were a handful of Templars that opposed my sister being made tranquil after she was transferred to Kirkwall, and that Cullen was one of them." Bull frowned and stared at Rei as she stared into the fire. There was definitely something she wasn't telling them, but he'd let it go for now.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rei tells her story.

_Cullen,_  
 _Meet me in the abandoned library by the kitchen._  
 _Rei_

Cullen walked down the stairs towards the library wondering what Rei had wanted and why she wanted to meet there of all places. He entered the room to find her nervously browsing the book, as Dorian looked on with concern. "You wanted to see me, Inquisitor? Rei nodded and motioned for him to sit on one of the dusty chairs.

"Remember when we fought in Haven about going for aid to seal the breach?" Cullen nodded. "Well I didn't tell you everything that happened in the circle. It never occurred to me to tell you about what happened to me directly, because it always fell to me to take care of everyone and everything. I always saw what happened to me as being less important."

"Something happened to you?" Cullen frowned in concern.

"I was in love with one of the other mages. We would meet in secret when we could. I ended up with child, and the Knight-Commander found out. Both my love and I were put in solitary. We were in there for a year. When they took us out of solitary, our child was gone and we had to watch one another being punished." Rei looked into Cullen's eyes, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

"You don't have to tell me this if you don't want to." Cullen began, before Rei waved off his concerns.

"I need to. Leliana suggested that I do so... So that you would fully understand where I am coming from." Rei sighed and continued, "they gave us both magebane. Then they tied me up and gave me ten lashes. I can still hear his screams to stop. And they made me watch as they..." Tears fell down Rei's face ignored as she summoned the strength to continue. "As they performed the rite of tranquility on him. We begged for them not to do it, screamed, but they did it any way. Laughing at our pain. When they were done, I was put back into solitary for another year." Dorian reached over and held her hand in his and Cullen reeled from what he had told her.

"Do you know where they took the baby?" Dorian asked as he wiped her tears away. "And your love, what was his name?"

"Rylen took my baby to my parents as he did with my niece. My love's name was Bren."

"Was?" asked Cullen.

"After we left the circle, we came into contact with Anders, and he did something that brought Bren back to me for a little while. Bren begged for me to give him mercy, and I did. I couldn't leave him like that, he was already dead." Rei met both Dorian's and Cullen's gazes before she went on. "They tried to break me with that year in solitary, but it made me angrier. I mourned Bren and I was determined that no Templar would ever have that kind of power over me again. When I was in solitary, my sister Isabel was raped and she had her baby. She was already gone by the time I was let out. I blamed myself for what happened to her. It fed my anger. Then Mara died. After Bren died, I was alone and full of hate."

"And I was everything you hated personified because I was a Templar." Cullen realized.

"I avoided you as much as I could, and fought you when I had to be around you. When I heard you were from Kirkwall, I thought you were the one that ordered my sister to be made tranquil."

"I wasn't..."

"I know that now, Cassandra told me. I wanted to apologize for how I treated you. I was wrong to have been so hateful. It's why I wanted to tell you my story, it doesn't justify my behavior, but I wanted you to understand me."

"You don't need to apologize, I understand what it is like to live with such anger and hatred." He knelt in front of her and held her other hand in his. "I am so sorry you went through so much pain. If there's anything I can do to help you, you need only to ask."


	15. Chapter 15

"Run!" The building was collapsing behind her and her friends. Rei tries to jump for safety, but finds herself and her friends plummeting to the ground. Fuck! No, no... She thinks as she feebly holds her hand in front of her and suddenly there's a flash of green.

 

Cullen watches as the dragon falls, taking part of the fortress with it. Then he sees it start to collapse further, and people running. _Please don't let it be her,_ he prays silently as he watches helplessly as they fall, and there's a flash of green. Suddenly Cullen felt like that elf friend of the Champion had reached into his chest to squeeze his heart. Knight-Captain Rylen approached him as he was trying to pull himself together. "Report."

 "Almost all of the demons are taken care of. However, there is still a rift in the courtyard that is still spitting out demons. The Inquisitor and her group plus Warden Stroud and Hawke all vanished. Some of the men saw them falling, then there was a green light and nothing landed. They may be in the fade." Cullen dismissed him and started toward the fortress to help fight the demons.

 

"Well, shit." Rei said as she looked around.

"Truer words have never been spoke, my friend." Hawke replied sarcastically. They look around the hellscape that they ended up in, and decided to press on. Dorian and Rei hold hands as they walk together. Solas looked around in wonder, trying to figure out what demon controlled it, and Bull muttered curses. Ahead of them was a spirit enveloped in a golden light. As they drew closer it took shape.

"Sister?" Rei asked in wonder. The spirit of Mara looked back at her and smiled.

"If that is what you want to believe, it's as good a story as any." Spirit Mara said with a smile. "I am here to guide you back to the land of the living. On the path ahead, you will find your lost memories. The fear demon that controls this part of the fade took them from you. You must get them back to be whole again."

"Okay, we'll follow you." Rei replied as they began to walk the path. They fought demons as they made their way, and Rei picked up bits and pieces of her memory from when the conclave was destroyed and the breach was created. The last one was of the Divine reaching out to her. _Tell Leliana I'm sorry, I failed you too._ Rei looked at the mark on her hand, and frowned. "Well, so much for the Herald of Andraste thing." She said glibly. And then the fear demon spoke. It revealed everyone's worst fear one by one. Rei hoped they could kill it, before it got to her.

"Inquisitor..." It began. "How can you be any one's savior? You could not even protect your sisters or your lover. How do you think you could ever protect any one you love? You will always be doomed, always a failure." Rei clasped her hands to her head to shut it out as Bull placed his hand on her shoulder for support. After they defeated two pride demons, they faced and fought the fear demon itself. After a long,, pitched battle, they made a run toward the exit, only to be blocked by a large demon. Before they could decide anything, Stroud charged at the beast, allowing for the rest to escape. One by one they tumbled out of the fade, Rei the last of them. As she stood she snap the rift shut, and destroyed the demons around her. As she took a moment to gather herself, Rei looked around at her men and the wardens. Her heart broke for all the lives that were lost, needlessly that day.

"Inquisitor, we were able to defeat the demons. The wardens remaining helped us fight them." Rei nodded, and called for everyone's attention.

"Warden Stroud died today, a hero. He believed in the warden cause, and now is your time to atone for your actions." Rei paused, and heard Solas sigh disapprovingly off to the side. Ignoring him, she continued. "Join the Inquisition, help us bring back order to the world." Cheers answered her, before she wandered off to get some peace and quiet.

 

Dorian wandered over to Cullen as he watched Rei walk off. "You should follow her." Dorian said as he reached Cullen. "She should not be alone right now. The fear demon we faced in the fade unnerved her more than she thought she let on."

"What happened?"

"As we fought our way to it, it would announce our fears to us all one by one. Some were worse than others. 'Inquisitor...How can you be any one's savior? You could not even protect your sisters or your lover. How do you think you could ever protect any one you love? You will always be doomed, always a failure.' is what it said when it got to her. You should go to her, comfort her. She'll let you in." Dorian turned and walked away before Cullen could respond to him.

 

Rei splashed water on her face, trying to forget the nightmare she just walked through. A knock sounded on the post of her tent.

"Inquisitor?" A voice asked from the other side of the fabric.

"Cullen? Come in, please." Cullen enter her tent as she brushed her hair. They stared at one another, unsure of what to do. Rei stood up, and they walked toward one another. They reached their hands out and cautiously touched each other on the arms, chest, neck, face. Without thinking, they leaned into each other and tentatively kissed. The kiss deepened as they each slid their arms around the other and held each other close. When the kissed was broken, they stared into each others eyes, blushing and smiling. "I was afraid for you." They said at the same time. Rei looked at Cullen thoughtfully. "How did..."

"How did we go from fighting all the time to kissing?" Rei nodded, as she cupped his cheek in her hand. "Honestly," he replied chuckling, "I have no idea. It just happened." Cullen leaned in and kisses Rei again. "And I'm glad it did," he added softly.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of the dialog taken from Perseverance, and added to.

Cullen left Rei and Cassandra and headed back to his office. Rei shot Cassandra a look and quickly followed after. Before she could enter his office a wooden box flew across the door way and broke against the wall. "Maker! I didn't hear you come in. Forgive me..."

"If you need to talk, I'm here for you." 

"You don't have to..." Cullen groaned as he caught himself on his desk. "I never meant for this to interfere."

"Are you going to be all right?" Rei said as she watched Cullen regain his balance.

"Yes... I don't know." Cullen said as he turned his back on her for a moment. "You didn't ask what happened in Ferelden's circle."

"I didn't feel right asking." Rei said as she gave him a worried look.

"It was taken over by abominations. The Templars, my friends, were slaughtered. I was tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I... How can you be the same person after that? Still I wanted to serve. They sent me to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander, and for what? Her fear of mages ended in madness. Kirkwall's circle fell. Innocent people died in the streets. Can't you see why I would want nothing to do with that life?"

"Of course..." 

"No!" He interrupted her, " you off all people should be questioning my decisions. I thought this would be better, that I would regain some control over my life. But these thoughts won't leave me. How many lives depends on our success? I swore myself to this cause... I can not give the Inquisition anything less than I gave the Chantry. I should be taking it." He punched the book shelf he was standing by. "I should be taking it." Rei cautiously took his hand in her own and guided him back to his desk. She sat him down and studied him for a moment.

"This doesn't have to be about the Inquisition. Is it what you want?" She asked as she massaged his hands.

"No, but these memories have always haunted me... If they become worse, if I can not endure..."

"You can." Rei said simply as she massaged his temples. "You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. I believe in you, and that you will make it through this." She kissed his forehead. "Please get some rest, paper work can wait."

"What about the soldiers training?"

"I'll have Bull and Cassandra train them. Now please, get some rest. I'll have some broth sent to you." Rei touched his hands once more before heading back to the keep.

 

As Rei and her group approached Skyhold, she spotted Cullen on the battlements. She took care of her horse as quickly as she could and headed up to meet Cullen. 

"I want to thank you." He said before he turned to face her. 

"I'm happy I could help you." She replied smiling at him. "Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, I am. If there's anything I can... This sounded better in my head." Cullen said, blushing.

"You're feeling better is enough." Rei's smile turns into a worried frown. "Is it always that bad?"

"The pain comes and goes. Sometimes though, it feels as if I'm back there. I should not have pushed myself so hard that day."

"I'm just glad you're alright."

"I am. You are the first person I ever told what happened to me in Ferelden's circle. I was... Not myself after that. For years I let my anger blind me. I am not proud of the man it had made me. The way I saw mages then... I'm not sure I would have cared for you, and that thought sickens me. The Inquisition is my chance to atone for the man I was, to begin again." Cullen looked away, sure that Rei would be disgusted by him, but when he looked back he was surprised that he did not see hate or anger in her eyes. What he saw instead was pity and warmth.

"You are not that man anymore." Rei said as she closed the distance between them. "I like the man you are now."

"Even after everything I've said. All the horrible things I've done?" He stared at her in amazement. 

"I care for you Cullen, and you have done nothing to change that." Rei reached out and grabbed his hands. "When I first met you, you were just another Templar to me. We fought... Maker's breath, we fought a lot. But then Cassandra told me you tried to help my sister. How kind you are with the other mages, especially the children. The respect you give to everyone in the Inquisition." She gazed into his eyes before pulling him into an embrace. "How could I not care for someone as kind, thoughtful, and considerate as you."


	17. Chapter 17

Rei examined the chess board as Dorian made his move. "So how are things between you and the Commander?" 

"What do you mean?" She asked as she took her turn.

"You know what I mean. It's not like you were being discreet, cuddling on the battlement." Rei sighed and gave Dorian an exasperated look. "Come now, darling. We all see how you look at one another, especially when you both think the other is not looking."

"I don't know what to think. I care for him, and he for I, but it's so strange and sudden."

"Strange?" Dorian asked "Like how? Like kinky strange?"

"Nothing like that. It's just... When I met the man, I hated him. He was a Templar, he even still acted like one. And we were constantly at each other's throats. Then Cassandra told me about what actually happened with my sister, and I got to know him better over time. It just... It stills seems so sudden, so out of the blue."

"There's more to it." Dorian stated softly. "Something you're not saying." Rei frowned as she moved her piece on the board.

"How are you and Bull?" She asked without looking up at him.

"We're fine." He said firmly. "Now please, what aren't you saying."

"I am... Afraid." Rei said, frowning at Dorian. "After all I had been through, I am afraid he is too good to be true." She paused and looked him in the eyes. "Or that he isn't too good to be true and he will be taken from me, like Bren. I couldn't keep him or my sisters safe, how could I keep Cullen safe?"

"What happened to Bren and your sisters wasn't your fault. I'm sure you did everything you could to keep them safe." He said as he held her hand. "You can't let the past stop you from living your life. I mean look at me. I'm a devastatingly handsome Tevinter and I fell in love with a Qunari. I wonder how many of my ancestors are spinning in their graves right now..." Rei giggled as Dorian continued. "My point is regardless of the past, that sexy commander has fallen for you. And were I you, I would do something about that."

"Checkmate." Rei said, smiling. "Another?"

"Sure, but I'll beat you this time. Dorian replied, grinning.


	18. Chapter 18

Dorian barged into Cullen's office with a chess board. "You busy? Of course not! Come play a game or two with me in the garden." 

"I could use a break." Cullen said. "Let me wrap up a couple of things and I'll meet you there." 

"Fantastic! I'll beat you this time." Cullen smirked at him.

"Yeah, sure you will."

 

Ten minutes later they met in the garden. "So," Dorian began as he took his turn, "What's going on between you and our illustrious leader?" 

"I... I have no idea what you're talking about..." Cullen said as he blushed a bright red.

"Really Commander? It's obvious something is going on between you two. We all see it." Dorian said, chuckling at Cullen's discomfort. "It's clear that you care about one another, what's stopping you?"

"I well... I kissed her once." Dorian spat his beverage into a bush.

"Truly?" He asked, surprise written all over his face. "When did it happen? Did anything happen after?" Cullen sighed as he looked back down at the chess board.

"I'm not even sure why I told you that. It was at Adamant. After that, we went back to our normal routine as though it never happened."

"Apart from the cuddle on the battlements." Dorian reminded him. Cullen blushed again, as he took another turn. "Listen, did it never occur to you that she was afraid of getting any closer?" He looked Cullen in the eyes and went on, "we both know she's been through so much."

"I know. It was selfish of me to have kissed her, I see that now." Dorian sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

"That's not what I meant and you know it. You have both been through a lot, it isn't wrong to want to find happiness. Especially because of the times we live in." Dorian gave Cullen an exasperated look before he turned his attention back to the board.

"So... how are you and Bull?"

"Nope. You're not changing the topic so easily. Did she push you away or hit you?" Cullen shook his head and tried to reply but Dorian waved his silent. "Go to her, tell her how you feel." A throat clearing startled both of them, and they turned to face Rei. Cullen turned a bright red, and Dorian started laughing.

"You are just too much, Dorian." Rei said laughing 

"How..." Cullen said coughing. "How long have you been there?" 

"Long enough..." She replied and gestured for him to step closer to her. Nervously he got up from his chair and stood in front of her. Rei smiled at him, stood in her tip toes and lightly brushed her lips against his. Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her, trying to infuse the kiss with all of the love he feels for her. He felt her arms wrap around his neck and her fingers brush through his hair. Sudden clapping startles them, and they both turned bright red as they see they've gained an audience. Varric held his coin purse open, and more than a few of their friends emptied their coin purses into his. Rei and Cullen looked at one another and nodded. They slipped off as their friends chatted to find somewhere more private.


	19. Chapter 19

After they enter her expansive room, Rei locks the door. As they walked up the steps, their hands intertwine. She gestured to the sofa for him to sit, and starts a fire in the fireplace with a flick of her wrist. "Dorian mentioned you might be afraid of perusing something between you and I." Cullen said as he pulled her on to his lap. "I... I can understand why, and I hope I'm..." He sighed as she looked up at him. "This sounded much better in my head."

"With my past I'm sure you understand what I fear." Rei said and she cupped his cheek with her hand. "But you experienced similar, do you have concerns or fears?"

"I worry every time you leave. I pray that you come back safely." Cullen began, worry etched onto his face. "I worry that I will lose you before we ever had a chance." He sighed as he placed his hand on hers. "Dorian was right. Don't tell him I said that."

"I won't if you won't." Rei said laughing. "He did the same thing with me. I think he should be Skyhold's match-maker and therapist."

"What is it you worry about?"

"I worry that you are too good to be true." Cullen raised an eyebrow at that. "I'm serious. Once I had truly gotten to know you, I can see the man not the Templar. You are a good man. My biggest fear is that I won't be able to keep you safe." Rei leaned against his chest, nuzzling into his neck. 

"I can protect myself." Cullen said softly as he held her close.

"I know... It's just I couldn't protect my sisters or Bren. What if something happens while I'm not here? I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to you when I could have done something." They sat, cuddled together in amiable silence, lost in their own thoughts. A knock at the door brought them back to reality. They tried to ignore it in hopes that the person would go away. Then they heard the lock being picked. Getting up from the sofa, they groaned at the intrusion.

"Oh good, you're both here." Said Leliana as she reached the top of the steps. She frowned at them. "But still clothed." They blushed at her in unison. "Aw, so cute. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that both of your schedules have magically been handled for the rest of the day, and two plates of dinner will be sent up in a little while." Leliana chuckled at their nervousness. "Dinner will be the last interruption for the night, I promise."

"Keeping the others away? How did you accomplish that?" Rei asked laughing.

"Ah. I arranged for a game of Wicked Grace. Anyone that would have bothered you will be there. Have fun," Leliana said. "Do everything I would do." she added with a wicked grin before she left. Dinner was delivered shortly after Leliana left, and Rei locked the door again. They pulled another chair to her desk and ate together in relative silence, mostly staring at their own plates.

"Would you care to dance?" Rei asked as they finished eating.

"But there is no music." Cullen replied as he held his hand out to her. Smiling, she placed her hand on his. They danced in slow circles around her room to music they heard in their heads. Rei leaned forward and kissed Cullen, stopping their dance. He kissed her deeply as he ran his fingers through her hair. Cullen broke their kiss and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Please, I want you." She whispered. Cullen began to unbutton her blouse as he trailed gentle kisses down her neck. Freeing her breasts from her breast band, he kissed around her breasts, licking and lightly nibbling her nipples. Rei gasped as Cullen lifted her up and laid her down on her bed. With adept hands, he quickly removed all of his armor and his shirt. He crawled onto the bed beside her and kissed her again as his hands explored her upper body, as though his hands were trying to memorize every detail. Rei lightly touched his back with the tips of her fingers, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake. Cullen began to unlace her breeches then his own, and in short order, their breeches and smalls were added to the pile of discarded clothing on the floor. They gazed at each other with lust and love. Cullen gave her a look, seeking permission, and she nodded. He grinned at her then covered her body with his own, her body sinking into the soft bed underneath her. Cullen teased her with his arousal as he kissed and nibbled her lips, neck, and shoulders. As their eyes met, Rei gave him a look that drove him wild. "Please..." She whispered, begging. He kissed her as he drove his shaft into her sex. A gasp was quickly followed by a moan as they rolled their hips in time with one another. Rei dragged her nailed across his back as he began to thrust in and out of her harder and harder. She grabbed his ass, wanting him to be buried deep with in her. Seeing stars, she screamed his name as her orgasm hit like waves on a beach during a storm. His followed shortly after, as he panted her name into her neck. He curled up beside her and held her close. "I love you." Rei said, smiling as she nuzzled into his chest.

"And I love you." He replied before they both drifted off to sleep.


	20. Chapter 20

Cullen gradually woke up as the room began to fill with light. He blinked as he tried to orient himself to where he was. Rei nuzzled into his chest and began to snore lightly. He smiled as he watched the sun rise through the stained glass windows in the Inquisitor's room. A polite knock interrupted his thoughts. He waited for a moment, hoping to not have to wake Rei, but heard the lock being picked again. Leliana and Josephine walked up the stairs and smiled at the couple. "Ah, good, at least one of you is awake." Leliana said, amused at Cullen blushing.

"There are some nobles that have come from Ostwick that wish to see the Inquisitor. If you could please wake her up and have her come to my office." Cullen nodded at them before they left.

"Hm, nobles from my city." Rei said as she stretched against Cullen. "I wonder who they could be, I haven't heard anything from any family." She placed her hand on Cullen's cheek and kissed him good morning. "Will you accompany me?" She asked as she got out of bed.

"Sure, if you want me to. Aren't you worried that people will talk? About us, I mean." Rei laughed and smiled at him, before she opened her closet to pick out an outfit.

"People are going to talk regardless. Besides, it isn't like we were being secretive when we hugged on the battlements or kissed in the garden. Why, would it bother you?" She asked as she slipped on a casual brown dress.

"No." He said as he started to get dressed. "I mean, I would like to keep our private lives private, but it would be a shame if there was nothing to talk about." Rei slipped on a pair of flats, and quickly fixed her hair, before she tended to Cullen's hair.

"You should keep your hair curly sometimes. I like it that way." Rei said as she tried to tidy his hair without losing the curls. "Ready?" Cullen nodded and they walked out toward the main hall, hand in hand.

 

Opening the door to Josephine's office, Rei gasped in surprise. "Papa!" She exclaimed as she ran into her father's arms. Her mother and father held her and the three of them cried. Two little girls peeked around Rei's father shyly. One looked exactly like Rei, though she had black hair and blue eyes. The other girl had chestnut brown hair and emerald green eyes. Rei dropped down to her knees and looked at both of the girls, delicately touching them as though they were made of glass.

"Introduce yourselves, little ones." Rei's mother said patiently.

"I'm Mina," said the little girl with the brown hair.

"I'm Brena." The little girl stepped out from behind her grandfather's legs and touched Rei on the face. "Are you my mommy?" She asked, her chin trembled as she tried not to cry. Rei grabbed her and held her in a bear hug.

"I am your mommy." She sobbed, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you." Cullen watched off to the side, not wanting to interfere with a family moment. He ached and felt so happy for Rei all at once.

"You must be Commander Cullen." Rei's father said as he held out his hand to him. They shook hands and watched Rei with the girls. "I wanted to thank you, for trying to protect Isabel in Kirkwall." Lord Reimond Trevelyan said as he turned to face Cullen.

"I am sorry I could not do more." He replied, frowning.

"You love Rei, don't you?" Reimond asked softly. Cullen looked at him taken aback. "I can tell from the way you look at her. She has been through so much... Too much. It breaks my heart to know all that she and her sisters went through, and I could do nothing to save them." Reimond brushed the loose tear from his cheek. "Take care of her, she deserves to be loved and to love. Rei missed seven years of her daughter's life and six of her niece's. She had to be around her lover for five years after he was made tranquil, mourning him, but still seeing him every day."

"I will love her and take care of her with everything I have." Cullen paused, as he considered how to proceed. "I wish I could say that I will keep her safe, but she and I are apart more than we are together sometimes."

"I understand, these are dangerous times. I know that she will frequently be in danger while, but she will be safe while she is here, with you and the people she cares dearly for." Reimond wrapped his arm around his wife. "This is my wife, Lily Trevelyan." Cullen bowed to her in greeting.

"I am pleased to finally make your acquaintance. Leliana has been a friend of mine for a number of years." Lily said smiling, as she watched her daughter interacted with her granddaughters. "I dreamed of this day for years. I just wish it could have been at a more peaceful time. We will be staying here for a time. We also brought fifty of our best men to join the Inquisition."

"I... Thank you, my lady." Cullen replied astonished. He glanced over at Rei as she looked up and their eyes met. They both blushed and smiled at one another. Rei's parents watched them both and gave each other a knowing smile.

"Would you like a tour of Skyhold, my lord, my lady?" Cullen asked Rei's parents.

"No, thank you. I think we would both like to go to our room and rest, though I bet the girls would like to look around." Rei's parents nodded in parting with Cullen and went to give Rei and the girls hugs before going to their room.

 

Rei and Cullen walked around Skyhold, with the girls. Brena held Rei's hand and Mina sat on top of Cullen's shoulders. Their friends joked with them and played with the girls. Bull let them both swing on his arms and showed the girls the dragon bones from the high dragons they had killed. Varric told them stories, Blackwall gave them little toys that he had made, and Sera told them how she and Rei had played pranks on people. They ended their tour in Solas's study and he told them about his travels in the fade, and Dorian leaned over the railing to introduce himself as their most amazing uncle and Rei's best friend. They smiled up at him, and it warmed his heart to see his friends and the girls together and happy. _A little family_ , he thought to himself as he watched them walk into the main hall.


	21. Chapter 21

Cullen watched Rei tuck the girls into her bed for the night. She told each of them a story and kissed them both good night and promised she would be back soon. Rei slipped her hand into Cullen's and they walked down the stairs to the main hall. "I hope you don't mind..." Rei began, only to be silenced by a kiss.

"I don't mind in the slightest, my love. I know how long you've been waiting to have those girls again. It's okay, I have a lot of paperwork to catch up on anyways." Cullen wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. They stood in the door way, arms wrapped around one another kissing... Until they were interrupted by two little girls giggling. They smiled at one another and parted for the night.

 

Cullen sat at his desk, and began a long night of mindless paper work. About half way through the pile he realized that the night before had been the first night in a very long time that he didn't have a nightmare. He smiled to himself and continued with his work.

 

Rei had to leave the next day, to go to the Exalted Plains. She held each of the girls and promised she would bring them something back from the trip, before she pulled Cullen aside. "I know you have a lot to do, but could you please spend some time with the girls? Let them get to know you." 

"I would love to." He smiled as he tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear. "Please come back safely, my love."

"I will do everything in my power to always come back to you in one piece." She replied. They kissed once more before Rei and her group left.  
There seemed to be more and more things for Rei's group to do in the Exalted Plains. Cullen received frequent updates on missions they had done and still had to do. When he wasn't working, he would spend time with Brena and Mina, and Rei's parents. He played games with the girls and introduced them to the other children in the keep. They made fast friends with many of the children and started to study with them. Sometimes, Cullen would find them in the garden with Morrigan's boy Kieran, playing games or reading together. Every night, he would tuck them into Rei's bed and tell them bed time stories his mother had told him and his siblings when they were growing up.

 

A knock on his office door on night startled Cullen out of his daydreaming. "Enter." He called out, and Mina slipped into his office.

"Uncle Cullen, Brena had a bad dream and is crying." Cullen frowned and walked around the desk, kneeling so that he could be at eye level with her.

"Why come to me, instead of your grandparents?" He asked her.

"She didn't want me to get anyone, she doesn't want anyone to see her crying. But I thought she might be okay with you, because you love my Aunt Rei." Cullen stood and took her hand and they walked back into the keep. Brena was sitting up in bed, wiping her eyes. Cullen gave her a cloth to blow her nose.

"Brena, do you want to tell me your dream?" Cullen asked gently. Brena shook her head, as she started to cry again. He gathered her up onto his lap and let her cry into his chest. He rocked back and forth, while humming a soothing song until she stopped crying and drifted off to sleep again. Mina pulled the covers down and Cullen placed Brena back into bed. Mina got into bed after her, and Cullen tucked them both in.

"Would you stay with us, Uncle Cullen? In case Brena has another nightmare." Cullen nodded. He took off his boots and got into bed on the other side.

 

Rei and Dorian tiptoed up the stairs, having gotten back to Skyhold not long after first light. They smiled at one another as they saw Cullen curled up in bed with a protective arm over both girls. Dorian waved and silently made his way back down the stairs. Rei walked to the bed, and gently ran her fingers through Cullen's hair. He opened his eyes and smiled at her. Slowly, he got out of bed, to not wake up the girls. Rei and Cullen slipped out on to her balcony. "I'm glad to see you and the girls are getting along." Rei said, kissing Cullen.

"We've spent a lot of time together, playing. I would also tuck them in at night and tell them stories. Brena had a nightmare last night. Mina had come to get me, because Brena didn't want anyone to see her cry." Rei raised an eyebrow at him. "She came to me because I love you, so she thought Brena might be okay with me."

"Did she tell you what the dream was about?"

"No, but I didn't press. I held her and let her cry, and I put her back to bed when she fell asleep." 

"Okay. I will tell the tutor to keep an eye on her, being a child of two mages, she's more likely to be one herself. If she is, I'm glad I can be there to help her through it." Rei sighed and leaned against Cullen. "I missed so much. First steps, first words, first laughs, first smiles..."

"I know it hurts, my love, and I wish I could take that pain away, but you have them both now. They're still little, and there will be so much yet to experience."

"You're right, love. I need to let the past go. I'm so lucky to have them. I need to thank Rylen again, were it not for him, I may have never have met either of them." Rei and Cullen kissed before going back inside to check on the kids.


	22. Chapter 22

Rei sat in her desk chair as her mother brushed her long blond hair. "I used to love brushing your hair when you were little." She twisted her hair into a simple bun and put hair pins in it to keep it in place. "I know I probably have no business asking this, as I have not been in your life in a long time, but where do you see what you have with Commander Cullen going?" Lily walked around the desk to face her daughter.

"I don't know to be honest, we're trying to take it a day at a time until all of this is over." Rei sighed and frowned at her mother. Hopefully, we're both alive then, she added to herself.

"A very sensible idea. Your father and I see how the two of you look at one another... It reminds me of when your father and I first began to court." Lily smiled at Rei. "He is a good man, your Cullen, and we're both happy that you finally have some happiness in your life."

 

Cullen trained at a practice dummy, trying to work his insecurities out on it. "You have good form." Reimond said, startling Cullen. "Though, you seem distracted."

"There is a lot on my mind, with everything that is going on, my lord." Cullen replied calmly.

"Please, call my Reimond. I wanted to thank you for spending time with the girls when Rei had to go out on a mission. They're both over the moon about you." The men smiled at one another as Cullen put the training sword away. "I also wanted to have a private discussion with you, with you don't mind." Reimond added. Cullen swallowed thickly and gestured for him to follow to his office.

 

Entering his office, Cullen locked all three doors, and motioned for Reimond to sit in the chair opposite his at the desk. "There is something you wanted to discuss?" He asked quietly.

"Yes, my wife and I wanted to tell you that it doesn't matter to us that you do not have a title outside of the Inquisition." Cullen plopped down into his chair, shocked. There were many things that he thought that this conversation would be about, but Rei's parents accepting him was not one of them.

"I... I still worry that I am not good enough." He replied honestly. "I stopped taking lyrium and my past haunts me. I don't want to be a burden to her."

"What does my daughter say on the matter?"

"She says that I am strong and brave... And that she cares for me regardless of my past." Reimond smiled at Cullen, and stood up.

"She has been through so much, as have you. A good relationship, the kind that lasts is one in which both people love, respect, and take care of one another. Neither person sees the other's troubles as a burden. Let her take care of you, as she has let you take care of her. It was never easy for her to open up to some one, even as a small girl. That she let you in is a sign for how much she truly does care for you." Reimond stopped at the door, and faced Cullen again. "By the way, Lily and I are going to have the girls tonight. We thought you and Rei might want some time alone together before going off to the Arbor Wilds." Cullen nodded in thanks before Reimond left.


	23. Chapter 23

"Your father stopped by to see me today." Cullen said as he sat down next to Rei on her sofa.

"Oh?" She asked as she glanced up from her book. "What did he have to say?"

"He thanked me for spending time with the girls, and asked to talk with me privately. He told me that neither he nor your mother care that I am not titled outside the Inquisition." 

"My mother wasn't noble either. It caused quite the scandal if I recall correctly." Rei said, chuckling. "He ran into her, literally, in Ostwick, and it was love at first sight. My mother is the third child of a merchant who had a shop by the docks." She marked her spot and closed the book before she leaned into Cullen. "They want me to be happy, love. Even if they were anything like typical nobles, I am their only child left. Only someone completely heartless would care about titles."

"What if... What if my burden is too much for either of us to bear?" He asked as he turned to face her.

"We both have our burdens to bear, and we help one another make them lighter." Rei crawled into his lap and looked deep into his golden brown eyes. "We will take it one day at a time, as I told my mother. We neither of us knows what's going to happen before the end, all we can do is be there for each other." Cullen smiled at her sadly, and kissed her forehead.

"I want to give you something." He pulled a chain out of his pocket. "The coin is something my brother gave to me before I left for Templar training. He said it was for good luck,, but I think it was just something he had in his pocket. Humor me." Cullen said as he slipped the chain over Rei's head. She touched it and smiled at him.

"I'll keep it safe."

"Good... I know it's silly, but I'm glad." Cullen replied before he kissed her, holding her close.

"It is getting late, we should go to bed." Rei said as she climbed out of his lap.

"To bed?" He asked, "or to sleep?" Rei grinned in reply as she started to get undressed. In her smalls and breast band, Cullen saw her back for the first time as she turned from him. He flinched and hoped she hadn't noticed. He undressed and neatly placed his armor and clothing on the sofa. Rei sat on the bed and beckoned him to join her. He sat beside her and massaged her shoulders, and Rei moaned appreciatively. Cullen removed her breast band and had her lay down on her stomach. He massaged her neck, shoulders, and back, then he delicately traced the scars on her back. "How many times?" He asked quietly. 

"In total? I don't know, I lost count. Apart from the one time I told you. Bren's screaming cemented it in my mind." Rei said as sat up, so she could face Cullen. "They made up excuses to do it again and again, because I didn't give them the satisfaction of screaming the first time." She added bitterly. Cullen's heart broke for her, and he held her close as if he was trying to heal her back and take away her scars. "Like I said before, love, we both have our burdens. Could you imagine not helping me with mine?"

"Never." He whispered.

"As I could never imagine not helping you with yours." Rei stood up, and removed her smalls. She turned and gave Cullen a look that sent a shiver down his spine. "Now, love, I believe we were going to bed." They kissed lustfully as Rei reached into Cullen's smalls and stroked his member. He moaned into her mouth as they inched their way back to the bed. "I want to ride you love, let me take care of you." Cullen laid on his back and she climbed on top, lowering herself on to him. Squeezing him, she leaned over and kissed him deeply as she rolled her hips and he bucked his hips up. He reached up and massaged her breasts with his hands, before he brought his mouth to her nipples, sucking and licking each as he dragged his nails down her back. Rei increased the tempo, close to the edge of an orgasm. She nibbled his ear and kissed down his neck, before she screamed his name. His followed shortly after and he breathed her name into her ear before they passionately kissed. Rei climbed off of Cullen and cuddled into him. "Good night, love." She said before she drifted off to sleep.

"Good night, my love." He replied, kissing the top of her head. Cullen listened to her breath before he fell asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

The eluvian in Morrigan's room turned a pale blue. Morrigan, Dorian, Solas, Bull, and Rei all run out of it, before Morrigan closes it again with a wave of her hand. "I'll go have some one send a message to Leliana. Cullen will be crazy with worry when he finds we've vanished." Dorian said as he headed off toward the library tower. Morrigan and Rei check in on the children, to find them quietly studying in the garden. They sneak away before they're noticed. Morrigan to her usual spot and Rei headed toward Josephine's office.

 

"What are you doing back so soon?" Her mother asked, as she helped Josephine with her paper work. "The Arbor Wilds are a few days ride."

"We traveled back here through the eluvian that was at the temple. There is a realm that connects to all eluvians, and Morrigan has one." He mother shuddered at that and didn't ask anything else. Rei turned to Josephine. "Dorian is having a message sent to Leliana, to let them know what happened. We'll have a meeting once the other advisers are back in Skyhold." 

"Do you know how the battle went?" Josephine asked.

"No, we got to the temple as quickly as we could, and we couldn't get back out to check on how it went. Corypheus was right behind us. We had just enough time to run through the mirror after Morrigan drank from the well."

"Can he follow you here?" Lily asked, worried.

"No, the key to the eluvian was the well, and it was drained when Morrigan drank from it. I wouldn't be surprised it he crashed into and broke the mirror, rendering it unusable anyways. Where's father?"

"Probably out in the training yard with the soldiers that were left behind." 

"Okay, good. I'll go see if he's there, and give him an update." Rei said before she left Josephine and her mother to their work.

 

Reimond was out in the training yard, observing the soldiers training, and giving them tips on how to improve as Rei approached. "Father." She said in greeting. Reimond turned around surprised, before they hugged. "We took the quick route back, most of our forces are still in the Arbor Wilds. We sent off a message as soon as we got here to let them know. I don't know how the fight actually went, but I do know that Corypheus was preoccupied through out most of it, I'm unsure about his dragon though."

"I'm sure he's all right." Her father replied. She looked at him puzzled. "You must be worried for Cullen, but I'm sure he's all right. I've seen him spar, he's an incredible fighter. We've also played a few chess games, and I can tell he knows what he's doing as a commander."

"Did he beat you too?" Rei asked, smiling. He father grinned in reply. "I hope he isn't too worried about me. I didn't have any time to tell him what was happening."

"He's going to be worried, but hopefully that message you sent will put his mind at ease. Let's go get the girls, and get them ready for dinner." Reimond said as they walked toward the keep.


	25. Chapter 25

"Rei." Cullen said, surprising her. "We didn't have time to send a message back before we left the Arbor Wilds. Leliana and I rode back with you remaining companions, though most of our soldiers are still in the wilds." Rei leaned up and kissed him, briefly. 

"I was worried." They said in unison. "I had hoped I could go back and help fight after Morrigan drank from the well, but Coryfeus was right behind us. We only just made it through the eluvian." Cullen sighed and wrapped his arms around her. 

"I don't like having that thing in the keep, but if it's why you are safe, perhaps it isn't entirely bad to have around." He kissed her hair and gently squeezed her. "We should go to the war room. The meeting is set to begin shortly."

 

Rei wandered around some after the meeting, spending time with family and friends, though Cullen seemed to have gone missing. She checked all his usual spots, and ran into Leliana instead. "He might be praying, Inquisitor. Check the shrine of Andraste by the garden." Rei nodded in thanks and headed off in that direction.

 

As she stepped into the doorway, she heard him chant. She was struck by how beautiful his signing was, and how fervently he chanted. "A prayer for you?"

"For those we have lost, and those we are afraid to lose." He replied still kneeling.

"You're afraid?" Rei asked quietly.

"Of course I am! Coryfeus possessed that grey warden in the temple, what else is he able to do?" He paused, glancing at her before he looked away. "When the time comes, you will be in his path again... And I will be the one that puts you there." 

"Cullen, I will be putting myself there. I go because I must, because no one else can." 

"I know." He replied, grief etched onto his face. "I should be there, to protect you." 

"You need to be here, think of it as protecting the children. Besides, there's no need to worry, I have luck on my side." She smiled at him, as she touched her pendent. Cullen chuckled. 

"That's less comforting than I had hoped." Rei leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around her. "What ever happens, you will come back to me."

"I will do everything in my power to do so." She replied. 

"The thought of losing you... I can't." They held each other tightly, as though they could ward off anything that might hurt either of them away with the power of their embrace.

 

"Dorian, I need to ask you a favor." Rei said as she sat down next to him in his nook in the library.

"Anything, my dear." He replied. "Well, almost anything, I'm not into women." Rei rolled her eyes as he laughed.

"The fight with Coryfeus will be any day now, and I want you to be by my side." She sighed and closed her eyes, trying to word what she had to say next. "If... If I don't make it, Cullen will need some one to help him through his pain. The girls will need him to be strong, and I think that if I were to die, he might break. He's come so far after he stopped taking lyrium, I don't want to be the reason he starts again."

"Then don't die." He replied, placing his hand on hers. She smiled sadly at him.

"It's not always that easy."

"Sometimes it is. You've beaten this bastard at every turn, I think you will do so again. But I do understand why you are thinking about the worse case senario. Why not go to Cullen about it?"

"I tried to... But he didn't want to think about it. I understand why, but things need to be discussed. Please just look after him if I can't."

"Of course, now do try and get some beauty sleep. You don't want to look anything less than your best when you go into the final fight." Rei laughed at Dorian before heading off to her room.


	26. Chapter 26

Rei faced Coryfeus in the ruins of the Temple of Sacred ashes. In the end it was just her and him. All of her companions were sent off to fight his dragon and what was left of his army. They slung spells at one another in rapid succession. Coryfeus was on his knees before her, and she aimed her mark at him, after she took in the power of his orb. "You know what will happen to you once you use that, don't you?" He sneered at her. She nodded, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her emotions.

"I know." And she used the mark to destroy him from the inside out. _I'm sorry, Cullen_ , she thought as she felt her body fail her.

 

He stood on her balcony, staring off in the direction of the fight. He saw a beam of green light shoot up into the newly opened breach, followed by a red light. He fell to his knees when he saw golden lights sparkle around the green light going into the fade. A light breeze caressed his face, it smelled of her. In his mind he saw her, surrounded by a blinding white light, and she stood there and smiled at him, her hands behind her back. "No!" He screamed, tears streaming down his face.

 

They both woke up with a start, each in their own beds. Rei slipped out of bed, and quickly pulled on a robe and slippers, and quickly made her way toward Cullen's office. They met in the main hall by the door to Solas's study. Crying, they embraced and held each other tightly, afraid to let go of one another. "I had a nightmare." Rei whispered

"As did I." Cullen replied softly. "I had lost you. You killed Coryfeus, but you died too. I was on your balcony, and I saw lights going into a new breach. In the breeze I could smell your scent, and I saw an image of you before I woke."

"We... we basically had the same dream. My last thought before I died was an apology to you, for not coming back." She said quietly.

"Let me come with you, when the time comes. Please." Cullen begged, still holding her in his arms.

"Please understand that I can't take you. I don't do this to torture you, but you are needed here." Rei slipped out of his embrace and held his face in her hands. His eyes and cheeks were puffy and red from crying, and the look of anguish on his face broke her heart. "I love you, Cullen, please. I need you to stay here. If you're there with me, I won't be able to focus on what I need to do. To know that you're here and safe, protecting the girls would give me the piece of mind I need to fight and come back alive."

"What if something happens that I could have protected you? I couldn't live with myself..." Rei silenced him with a kiss.

"My love, if something happens to me, don't blame yourself. I will have all of my companions with me. Something would have to happen to Cassandra, Bull, and Blackwall before anything could happen to me. You know they will keep me safe." Cullen nodded miserably. "But, if something happens to me, please, look after the girls. They adore you, and they will need you. Be strong for them." Rei pleaded, and Cullen sighed.

"I will do that, I swear it. But please, come home to us. We need you too." Cullen pulled her into an embrace, and they stood there holding one another.


	27. Chapter 27

A meeting in the war room ended with the breach being opened once more. Cullen stood beside Rei and he slipped his hand in hers. Their fingers intertwined as they stared at the green hole in the veil. "I can't wait for our forces, love." She told him, squeezing his hand. "This can't wait, Morrigan is right. If we wait, it could be too long."

"And if you die?" He asked, frustrated. "What then? What if we had the same dream for a reason?" 

"In the dream, Coryfeus died. My life is less than all of the lives that will be saved." Cullen turned her to face him.

"No! It isn't to me!" Rei placed her hand on his chest to calm him.

"Please, don't. I don't want to fight with you. If I do die, please don't let this be the last things we say to one another." Tears slid down her cheeks as she tried to pull herself together. 

"You're right, I'm so sorry." He whispered as he hugged her. "I love you, Rei. Please come back to me."

"I will do everything I can to come back." She replied, before she kissed him.

 

Cullen stood on her balcony, staring out toward the ruins of the temple, now floating in the sky. A small hand slipped into his, and he looked down and saw Brena. "She will come back, right?" Brena asked, worried.

"Of course she will, little one. She always comes back." Cullen knelt down, so he could be at eye level with the girl. "She promised she would do everything she can to come back to us. And she's very powerful." Brena smiled at him and they turned to continue to watch for signs of how the fight was going. Cullen prayed to himself as he stood there. Suddenly, a green light was sent into the breach. Cullen's heart stopped when he saw it, remembering his dream. A red light followed, and he prayed there wouldn't be golden lights. In the blink of an eye, the breach was sealed, and the ruins fell back to earth. Cullen struggled to breath and remain strong for Brena and Mina. he took both girls and went out to the steps leading to the courtyard. They met Josephine and Leliana at the landing between the two sets of steps and they all waited together. He saw all the people who had gone to fight walking through the gate, the last being Rei. They saw each other and began to run to one another. Cullen lifted her in his arms and twirled her around before kissing her deeply, trying to infuse all of the relief and love he felt for her.

A party was quickly arranged for all of Skyhold that night. Cullen and Rei mingled, laughing and joking with their friends. After a few hours, they slipped away to Rei's room. They stood on the balcony, holding one another, looking at the night sky. "There is something I want to tell you." Rei said, as she broke their embrace. "I didn't want to tell you before, you were already so worried." Cullen looked at her puzzled. She lifted his hand, and placed it on her stomach before looking up at him again. His mouth opened and closed as he tried to grasp what she was telling him.

"I'm... I'm going to be a daddy?" He asked quietly, and she nodded. Cullen dropped to his knees and kissed her stomach, and smiled up at her. "I'm going to be a daddy." He said joyfully. 

"I wanted to tell you first before I told anyone else. We'll announce it tomorrow, after we tell my parents and the girls." Rei said as she ran her fingers through Cullen's hair. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring. Rei gasped at him, as he slid it on her finger.

"Will you do me the honor of being my wife?" He asked, still on his knees. She stared wide eyed at the ring, and nodded yes, still too speechless to speak. Cullen stood again, and kissed her. "I love you." He whispered into her ear.

"And I love you."


End file.
